No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
