The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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