i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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