i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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