And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
