I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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