I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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