omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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