just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
