pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
