Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
