Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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