OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
