What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I could fuck to npr.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
