What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
