i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
