kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize