ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
