Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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