after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
