His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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