i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
