Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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