When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
