Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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