Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
