You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
