Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
