There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
