i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
