We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My ass is underappreciated
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
