so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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