garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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