Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
