I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
