Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
