If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
tequila makes me forget i have legs
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
