You really coming over, don't trick.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
