Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
