Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
