I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He better not be in your backpack
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
