he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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