I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
