It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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