I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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