I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
