how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize