I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize