eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
