Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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