dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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