Kiss
Puke
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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