i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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