you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
