I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
a search helicopter?!
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
