How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My dick has a subreddit
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
