Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
