watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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