Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize