Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
