I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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