I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
