so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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