More tranny stories later!
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
