Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize