How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
