On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
