I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
