is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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