Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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