She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
