her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
im six kinds of drunk right now
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
