I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I pour the whiskey from now on
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
