I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
