It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
