I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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