I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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