how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize