Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
