me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
