dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize