i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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