Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
