I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
