Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
