Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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