i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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