Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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