dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
too bad you live with your parents still
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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