so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
