hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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