Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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